There I said it. It’s kinda hard to admit. Or to say outloud. People don’t like me…
I grew up in a pastors home. Our doors were open all the time and hospitality was engrained into who we were.
It was just how it was. We were taught to open our home and hearts to everyone… even if we didn’t like them a whole lot.
This mindset carried into my adulthood when I mixed it with a career in the wedding industry. That meant, I was pretty great at getting along with lots of people. Even if I’d rather throat punch them sometimes.
Generally I can get along with all types of people, in all walks of life, and many different personality types. It’s just something I learned growing up! It was just something Pastor’s Kids did!
Now I’m not perfect. I’ve been told I have a presence (whatever that means). And I like deep meaningful conversation and get to the point relationships. And I can be a tough pill to swallow for the surface friendly kind of person. BUT…
Typically my open door policy is great. It means I can keep a pretty wide network. But it also means I keep a pretty tight knit group of close friends.
Well until it’s not.
I was recently told that someone said “I’m just not a Kellie fan”.
That was fun to hear. It’s not that I’m a fan of that person either… but it always cuts deeper when you know that someone is willing saying something of this nature about you to others.
I’ve sat on this for a while. I’ve even put some pretty clear boundaries between myself and this particular person.
The worst part…? Sometimes people who criticize you often should be looking in the mirror at themselves. Feel me…. we all know these people just need a big ol’ hug… and a can of whoop…. nevermind.
Everyday when I sit down to write something. Or I teach something new and controversial in my group. Or I post about my take on crappy methods in the wedding industry… MORE PEOPLE HATE ME.
Ugh. It’s literally a never ending cycle of hate.
And the sensitive… everyone should like me… what did I do to you… person inside of me wants to stop. Late at night when I crawl in bed and run through the day…. the little voice inside you that wonders if people approved of you today often speaks up and says… You know you’re pissing people off right? It would be easier to be silent.
The idea that silence and disappearing into the background might very easily release all of the bad feelings inside can sometimes be pretty attractive. Maybe I should just go find a desk job and look and sound like the masses. That would be easier right?
Recently, it was revealed that a former co-worker cautioned an associate about having a relationship with me. Of course, there was no mention of the way I was treated or a taking of responsibility for their behaviors. Just simply…. she’s bad… don’t work with her.
Ok cool. What do you do with that? Well first you call your husband and have a flip out.
Then you get angry and google search cease and desist letters. Copy and Paste that sucker into a word document and realize you should probably get a lawyer.
Then… you step back and realize that another persons words DO NOT define your value.
Let me say that again!
Anyone can say whatever the flip they want about you.
They can spread it all over town. They could get on the microphone at the next networking event and talk about how smelly your feet are!
But what CAN’T they do?
They CANNOT… no matter what they say or do… they CANNOT take away what you’re good at. They cannot use words to STEAL your value.
Because that is inherintely yours!
You see both of these people cannot make me LESS of what I already am.
This has been a hard year of reconciliation with myself. I have pushed myself to find my inner conscience. Not the judgement of others. Not what my words or actions might cause others to believe about me. But simply tuning in to my own inner compass.
Learning what I feel is right and valuable and authentic to me.
Learning that I don’t have to justify myself and my choices. That I am strong enough to offer my services and knowledge and stand behind them as useful. AND VALUEABLE!
Learning that the negative things that others perceive about me can be used to push me forward instead of holding me back.
And embrace an inner “ok ness” with myself.
That little bit of peace in the storm of others words is what drives me to continue.
Part of me uses these words to fuel my ambition to do better and rise above.
It’s kinda time for you to do the same?
Stop letting your fear of what others might think of you hold you back from reaching for something amazing.
Use the words of criticism that you’ve heard to fuel the fire of ambition that burns in your belly!
And then… do something about it.
In fact…. make them dislike you MORE!
You find your peace.
All of the sudden the light inside of you turns on and it all makes an insane amount of sense!
You accept what you are, what you’re capable of, what you’re amazing at, and what you believe of yourself!
And you begin to take what felt like a pile of muddy soil and turn it into a garden of confidence.
Overflowing with inner peace and a new awareness and a sense of the direction you should go… and then….. you just keep growing!!